by Richard
With the third-greatest holiday ever (behind only Talk Like A Pirate Day and National Gorilla Suit Day) crashing down closer and closer, I thought I’d take a few minutes out of your day to talk about making Halloween safer.
Here’s a couple of tips for you, just in case you haven’t been paying attention for the past, oh, 30 years or so.
1. Don’t wear a mask, because it could obscure your vision.
2. Dont wear dark clothing, because it could make you harder to see at night.
3. Don’t take candy from strangers.
4. Don’t actually listen to these sorts of lists. They just drive you crazy.
The whole point of going out on Halloween is to dress up, let your id out for a romp or two and have some sort of fun. It’s a bit different if you have little dudes and little dudettes, though, in that folks will say Halloween is for them. Not for you. Which is nonsense, of course.
The best part of Halloween is that it gives you license to do whatever you can to scare people and you can get away with it. Hide behind a door and jump out screaming, brandishing a bloody knife? Good idea.
Make threatening noises outside of a window? Fantastic! Do it some more!
Put on a mask and start threatening people you pass on the street? Nothing could be finer!
Walk up to a random house, ring the bell and demand beer? (Trick or Beer) Absolutely! You might even get some candy to go along with your adult beverage.
Who says Halloween is for the little dudes? Not me.
Of course, there still will be little dudes and little dudettes out roaming the streets on Wednesday night (Why can’t Halloween be a moving holiday, where it’s always on a Saturday or Friday night? That way, the school-age horrors don’t have to get up early the next morning? Work on that, internet.) so you’re going to have to be a little bit careful. Can’t go roaring down the streets without looking where you’re going. Or even drive a car like that.
The best piece of advice I can give for enjoying Halloween is simply to enjoy yourself. But think it through before you do.
And save some candy for me.
